Thursday, February 18, 2010

Friendship and Forgiveness

A few weeks ago, someone that was at one time my best friend and was even the best man in my wedding, called to ask me to forgive him for the wrongs that he had done. It is a long story and some of you know what happened and what the out come has been. We ended up moving because of what happened. He lied to me, with held information, and stole money from the business we had together. Bottom line, do not go into business with a friend. We had not spoken in over a year. My lawyer told me not to contact him and he never tried to call me.

Well, he called me two weeks ago and wanted to apologize and gave me a sob story (I should say sobbing story, because he did cry). He was telling me how sorry he was and that he felt ashamed etc. of himself and said that he could not move on until he apologized and I forgave him. He claimed he had picked up the phone to call me a half dozen times, but chickened out each time. My family and I have moved on in a physical and emotional way. I guess I'm getting soft in my old age, because I really wanted to be an asshole, but I told him that I forgave him. It is what he needed to hear to heal and move on. But, I'm not sure if I have really forgiven him or not. He said that they were going to have a party in the next month or so and wanted my wife and I to come to it and that after that he thought the circle would be complete and he would feel like he could move on. I told him that we would just have to see when the party was, but my schedule was pretty full and work was crazy. As I have thought about this since he called. I did not want to write about this until I had cooled down a little. I'm not sure if I forgive him or not. He claimed he was trying to protect me, but all that did was more damage. I do know that I do not want to see him again. So does that mean that I don't forgive him? I'm not sure how to define forgiveness. Maybe I am just over it and have moved on to a better place. I do know that I do not want him involved in my life in any way in the future. So I will not go to his party, because I don't want to see him and because I'm not sure what I may do or say. I know that no good would come of it. I had put all this behind me and now he has brought it all back. Wish he would have not called.

6 comments:

  1. You know what? You don't have to truly forgive. The word "forgive" came out of your mouth to make him feel better, but if you're not truly ready to forgive, that's OK. You can forgive, but you don't have to be best friends or even acquaintances. And if he asks you why you didn't come to the party, tell him that. "I forgave you, but I'm not your friend. Have a nice life."

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  2. Thanks. I needed to hear that.

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  3. I know its hard to forgive him- you did the right thing and you dont have to be friends anymore- you made your peace and are a better person for it. It was a lesson he had to go thru..you came out the better man for it though. Karma points for you!

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  4. Thanks for the support. We have been down a rough road and are ready to get back into the swing of things. It's time to make art again.

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  5. Clint,
    I know I have not been around in forever, but I do know that "forgiveness" does not mean association. You can forgive someone and move on with your life without being a part of that person's life. Forgiveness is about letting go for yourself so that you don't hold in all of the anger and pain causing you to become bitter. You can let it go by letting him go...if that makes sense. I will pray for you.

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  6. Thanks, It means alot to hear from you even though we have not seen each other in years.

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